Tag: FinallyFast.com
FinallyFast.com is finally fined for its fraudulent computer “fix-it” software practices
In January of 2009, I wrote an article detailing everything I hate about the then-frequently aired commercials for FinallyFast.com. In the article, I explained five reasons why the commercial made me want to throw my TV out a window every time it came on. I also initially stated that the software likely did absolutely nothing useful for any of the unlucky suckers who bought into it.
Shortly thereafter, I received a letter from an attorney representing FinallyFast.com asking me to remove their commercial, screenshots, and all “defamatory, false, and misleading” comments I had made. I obliged, ONLY because I had never actually used their software and couldn’t say with a 100% certainty that it did not work. Now I can.
Ascentive, the company behind FinallyFast.com, has now been penalized $78,000 and is being forced to issue thousands of $17.90 refunds to customers who purchased their misleading software and ultimately didn’t use it.
The software downloads for free, scans a user’s computer, identifies “problems” with it, and then presents users with options to “fix” it at an additional cost. But those costs were apparently automatically charged whether the user wanted them or not.
To make the situation worse, Assistant Attorney General Jake Bernstein says the FinallyFast.com software finds problems regardless of whether there are any. Even new computers or ones with freshly reformatted hard drives would be identified as having hundreds, if not thousands, of “errors.” In addition, until March 2009, the software was bundled with adware and regularly popped-up warning messages declaring how many “errors” it found.
In the meantime, customers were automatically charged for subscribing to Ascentive’s practically fictitious “cleaning” service and had to jump through hoops to figure out how to cancel.
So it seems I was right about Ascentive and its FinallyFast.com site and software all along, despite what their attorneys wanted me to believe. I won’t bother re-editing my original article, as it’s simply not worth including their obnoxious commercial here. (Plus, I don’t think it’s airing on TV anymore – thankfully.)
I’d like to think this is a lesson learned for anyone who even remotely considers buying computer “fix-it” software off of a late-night TV commercial, but it’s most likely the case that anyone who gets suckered in to buying such software will never read this article or even hear about the ruling against FinallyFast.com.
TweetWEDNESDAY WHINE: FinallyFast.com – Worst commercial EVER?
UPDATE 11/23/09: I received a letter from Flaster/Greenberg P.C., the attorneys who represent Ascentive, creators of FinallyFast.com, asking me to remove all video, screenshots, and “defamatory, false, and misleading” comments regarding their software. I’m not sure that any of my comments are misleading, but I went ahead and removed the imagery as it is technically copyrighted. I didn’t want to look at the people in that silly commercial anyway. Edited comments are in brackets below. Normally I wouldn’t censor my own opinions, but I haven’t actually used their product so I can’t honestly make any claims toward whether or not it really does anything useful. I’m leaning toward no, but who knows.
I’m going to keep it simple this week:
I HATE FINALLYFAST.COM’S COMMERCIAL
For those who haven’t seen it (or just want to endure the pain again), here you go:
[Video removed by Ascentive, creators of FinallyFast.com. They've spared you the agony of seeing it again.]
So what’s so horrid about this commercial? How about a top 5…
#5 That “kid” playing the video game on his laptop.
This “kid” who whines to his mom about his slow internet connection has got to be at least 20 years old. Beyond that, something just irks me about the way he says, “this game should be a lot, LOT faster.” Yeah, you should be a lot, LOT less obnoxious. I hope this guy got paid a lot (or at all) as he is now [likely] hated by millions.
#4 The blue screen of death on a MacBook.
Should anyone be buying software from a company that shows this classic Windows fault on an Apple machine? Yes, I realize that it’s possible to run Windows on a MacBook but the people who know how to do that don’t need this [seemingly] worthless [software] to “fix” their machines.
#3 PC ONLY.
As if the blue screen of death wasn’t enough, check out the fine print in this commercial: Finallyfast.com is for PC Computers only. Ignoring the fact that they essentially wrote “Personal Computers Computers” in that sentence, why did they use Apple computers in the commercial if their software is for Windows only? Oh yeah, because they [probably] think that only morons buy their software.
#2 Added keywords to try to connect with viewers.
It’s as if this commercial were trying to be optimized to return good Google search rankings. It’s packed with keywords like adware, spyware, registry, and RAM. And to top it all off, it says this [potentially] lame software will speed your computer up ”even while watching video!” reminding viewers that the only important reason for having a fast computer and internet connection is to watch YouTube.
#1 “Hey, my computer’s fast – finally! FinallyFast.com!”
Somehow this guy reminds me of Steve from Nickelodeon’s Blue’s Clues. I think it’s the way that he’s talking to viewers as if Nickelodeon and FinallyFast.com have the same target audience: 2-year-olds, or at least viewers with the same mental capacity as 2-year-olds. Could you possibly say “FinallyFast.com” a few more times in your indigestion-inducing commercial?
So here’s a closing request to all television network owners out there:
Stop accepting money from these [people] and get this [obnoxious commercial] off the air. Thank you.
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