Today is launch day for the new iPhone 3G S. Based on the number of people who have made it clear to me that this was the perfect week for me to lose my phone, I’d say there’s quite a lot of excitement about the new iPhone release (as always).

But I am not here to write about how great the iPhone is. You can find plenty of that on Twitter. Instead, I intend to do quite the opposite.

I am on the hunt for a new cell phone. That is, I’m looking for a portable telephone that allows me to easily and clearly make calls from just about anywhere. With the cell phone industry expected to sell 4 billion phones by 2010, you’d think it would be an easy task to find a good, solid phone that makes calling people simple. Think again.

I really don’t like talking on the phone. I’m a very visual person, so having to pay attention to someone on the other end of a telephone is a big deal for me. Often, I have to force myself to physically stop what I’m doing in order to actually take part in a phone conversation. So when I’m out doing something, I really would rather not be interrupted by someone somewhere else wanting to talk to me.

Despite the fact that there was, in fact, a time when cell phones didn’t exist and people still managed to get through with their daily lives without dying,today’s society seems to be so dependent on cell phones that I must own one. After all, how else would I know what I need to pick up for dinner when I’m on the way home from the mall?

So now that it’s time for me to find a new cell phone, I find myself wondering what all the fuss is about the iPhone. Every time I’ve used one, I’ve found it uncomfortable to hold and requiring way too many virtual button presses in order to simply make a call. Sure, there’s an “app” for finding the nearest restroom and another for trading pictures with random strangers, but what about the make-a-darn-phone-call app?

When I’m at home and I want to call someone, I pick up the nearest telephone, dial 10 numbers (on physical buttons) and it’s ringing. Shortly thereafter, someone on the other end picks up and I have a conversation. My old cell phone behaved in the same way. It was a Samsung slider phone (I forget the model number) that I could pull it out of my pocket, slide open, dial 10 numbers (on physical buttons), and press call to talk to someone. I even was able to assign numbers that I frequently called to each of the keypad buttons so it only required that I press and hold down a single number to call home.

The iPhone and its touch screen have significantly complicated the calling process. After I lost my phone, I used my friend’s iPhone to call home to let my wife know that she couldn’t reach me for the near future. In order to do so, I had to swipe my finger across the bottom to unlock it, tap the phone icon at the bottom, then tap the keypad button to bring up the virtual numbered buttons, tap out the 10 digits, and then tap call. While it is mildly amusing to watch all the words and graphics on the screen fly around while I was doing all this, the process would definitely get old after two or three phone calls.

When I’m driving and need to quickly make a call or answer the phone, I’d like to be able to take the phone out of my pocket and perform whatever actions are necessary without having to actually look at the phone. Some might say I can do that with the new iPhone 3G S now that supports voice commands, but that would require: a) me to turn down the music or podcast that I’m listening to & b) it to actually understand the voice commands – technology I’ve had very little success with in the past.

Fans of the iPhone keep telling me that if I get one, I won’t understand how I ever got along without one. They make it seem like it’s impossible to be anywhere without the ability to check e-mail, surf the web, watch YouTube, look at Google Maps, and play Peggle.

To all that I say: Bah. I spend so much time in front of my computer at home, responding to e-mail and surfing the web, that I really would like the ability to get away from it once in a while. I already would prefer to not have a cell phone at all but, as I wrote above, that’s not really an option anymore. So since I have to have one, I’d rather it only enable me to make and receive phone calls and keep all that other Internet stuff away from me while I’m on the go. There no such thing as an e-mail that is so important that I absolutely need to know about it while I’m shopping at Target. It’s actually nice to be able to be away from a computer now and again. 

Now, since I host a popular podcast about Disney and co-publish a magazine about Orlando theme parks and attractions, there are those that tell me that I will be happy to be able to Twitter, update Facebook, and post pictures/video from an iPhone. To that I say: Maybe. I just *might* want to do those things every once in a while. But I don’t need an iPhone for that. Nearly every cell phone that’s currently available has enough built-in features to send various messages and multimedia with relative ease. What’s the difference? Doing so on the iPhone will cost me an extra $30 a month via AT&T’s required unlimited data plan.

Here’s where we reach part three of why I don’t need or want an iPhone: the cost. I don’t use a phone enough to justify paying $70+ per month on my line alone. For the last few months, my wife and I used between 300 and 400 minutes per month on both of our cell phones combined. The AT&T family plan with 550 shared minutes would be more than enough for us, especially as the minutes roll over. That plan costs just $59.99 a month for both of our lines. If I really wanted an unlimited data plan, I could pay $15 per month for a non-smart phone when I need it and cancel the data plan when I don’t want it anymore. With the iPhone, I’d be locked into shelling out $30 a month whether I use the data plan or not. Plus, getting an iPhone would cost me at least $99-199 up front for the phone ($199-299 if I wanted the iPhone 3G S), whereas I can get another phone that will make calls just as easily (if not easier) for $0.01.

Hopefully this explanation of why I don’t want an iPhone will help explain… why I don’t want an iPhone. I doubt it will stop anyone from telling me I should get one, but at least you know where I’m coming from. Feel free to comment and tell me why I’m wrong and why an iPhone is the best invention since sliced cheese. Maybe someone will convince me. Probably not.