Category: Wednesday Whine
WEDNESDAY WHINE: ATM Machine and Other Language Annoyances
This is definitely the most whiny of my Wednesday Whines so far…
English Language Annoyances
1. “ATM Machine”
Usage: I need some cash. Let’s hit the ATM machine.
ATM stands for Automated Teller Machine, meaning a machine that acts as an automated version of a bank teller, giving you money from your bank account but without ever having contact with a person.
So when someone says “ATM machine,” it really means “automated teller machine machine”. Get it? Why not just say “I need to go to the ATM.” Doesn’t everyone know what an ATM is? Do you really need to add “machine” in there for emphasis?
There are actually quite a few phrases that drive me nuts that fall under this same category. Here are a couple more:
“PIN Number”
Usage: I can’t access my account because I forgot my PIN number.
Really? You forgot your “personal identification number number?”
“VIN Number”
Usage: My car was stolen so I need my VIN number to give to the police.
I’m sure the cops will be happy when you’re able to provide them with your “vehicle identification number number.”
2. “A whole ‘nother…”
Usage: That’s a whole ‘nother story.
This informal slang drives me nuts. Yes, I know it’s listed in the dictionary, but that doesn’t make it sound any better when said out loud. What’s happening is that the word “another” is being chopped up by “whole” into “a” and “nother” instead of the correct split of “an” and “other.” So instead of saying “a whole other,” which is technically correct but more difficult to wrap your tongue around, many resort to “a whole ‘nother,” which inevitably annoys me.
3. “I could care less!”
Usage: I could care less about your problem.
This popular expression is often misstated. If you don’t care at all about something, you really should say “I couldn’t care less,” meaning that it is impossible for you to care less about the issue at hand. When someone says, “I could care less” about something, it really means that the issue does have some importance as there are other issues for which you potentially could care less about.
To sum it all up, here’s the most annoying conversation ever:
MR. ANNOYING: Man, my car was stolen!
MR. HELPFUL: Was there anything valuable inside?
MR. ANNOYING: Yes, all my cash!
MR. HELPFUL: Do you need me to drive you to the bank?
MR. ANNOYING: Nah, I can’t use the ATM machine.
MR. HELPFUL: Why not?
MR. ANNOYING: I forgot my PIN number.
MR. HELPFUL: Did you at least report the car to the police?
MR. ANNOYING: Yes, but they needed my VIN number to process it.
MR. HELPFUL: And why don’t you have that handy?
MR. ANNOYING: That’s a whole ‘nother story…
MR. HELPFUL: You really should be more responsible.
MR. ANNOYING: I could care less about what you think.
MR. HELPFUL: I hate you.
Do you have a commonly-used expression that simply drives you nuts? Post it in the comments and tell me why it annoys you.
TweetWEDNESDAY WHINE: FinallyFast.com – Worst commercial EVER?
UPDATE 11/23/09: I received a letter from Flaster/Greenberg P.C., the attorneys who represent Ascentive, creators of FinallyFast.com, asking me to remove all video, screenshots, and “defamatory, false, and misleading” comments regarding their software. I’m not sure that any of my comments are misleading, but I went ahead and removed the imagery as it is technically copyrighted. I didn’t want to look at the people in that silly commercial anyway. Edited comments are in brackets below. Normally I wouldn’t censor my own opinions, but I haven’t actually used their product so I can’t honestly make any claims toward whether or not it really does anything useful. I’m leaning toward no, but who knows.
I’m going to keep it simple this week:
I HATE FINALLYFAST.COM’S COMMERCIAL
For those who haven’t seen it (or just want to endure the pain again), here you go:
[Video removed by Ascentive, creators of FinallyFast.com. They've spared you the agony of seeing it again.]
So what’s so horrid about this commercial? How about a top 5…
#5 That “kid” playing the video game on his laptop.
This “kid” who whines to his mom about his slow internet connection has got to be at least 20 years old. Beyond that, something just irks me about the way he says, “this game should be a lot, LOT faster.” Yeah, you should be a lot, LOT less obnoxious. I hope this guy got paid a lot (or at all) as he is now [likely] hated by millions.
#4 The blue screen of death on a MacBook.
Should anyone be buying software from a company that shows this classic Windows fault on an Apple machine? Yes, I realize that it’s possible to run Windows on a MacBook but the people who know how to do that don’t need this [seemingly] worthless [software] to “fix” their machines.
#3 PC ONLY.
As if the blue screen of death wasn’t enough, check out the fine print in this commercial: Finallyfast.com is for PC Computers only. Ignoring the fact that they essentially wrote “Personal Computers Computers” in that sentence, why did they use Apple computers in the commercial if their software is for Windows only? Oh yeah, because they [probably] think that only morons buy their software.
#2 Added keywords to try to connect with viewers.
It’s as if this commercial were trying to be optimized to return good Google search rankings. It’s packed with keywords like adware, spyware, registry, and RAM. And to top it all off, it says this [potentially] lame software will speed your computer up ”even while watching video!” reminding viewers that the only important reason for having a fast computer and internet connection is to watch YouTube.
#1 “Hey, my computer’s fast – finally! FinallyFast.com!”
Somehow this guy reminds me of Steve from Nickelodeon’s Blue’s Clues. I think it’s the way that he’s talking to viewers as if Nickelodeon and FinallyFast.com have the same target audience: 2-year-olds, or at least viewers with the same mental capacity as 2-year-olds. Could you possibly say “FinallyFast.com” a few more times in your indigestion-inducing commercial?
So here’s a closing request to all television network owners out there:
Stop accepting money from these [people] and get this [obnoxious commercial] off the air. Thank you.
TweetWEDNESDAY WHINE: Get my take-out order right. Is it really that hard?
I will start off my Wednesday Whine series of posts with one matter that has been bugging me for longer than I can remember. Hopefully someone can shed some light on why this simple matter is such a widespread problem.
Why can’t I get takeout food without there being a problem with my order?
With a large number of excellent restaurants literally down the street from my house, I can’t resist getting takeout at least 3 or 4 nights a week and almost always for lunch. The selection includes Longhorn Steakhouse, Chili’s, Panda Express, Arby’s, Chik-Fil-A, Bonefish Grill, Cracker Barrel, and many others. The ability to regularly use $5-off coupons generally brings the price of a night’s takeout meal for myself and my wife to around $20, which is around what I usually spend at the supermarket for dinner.
However, for some reason, it is almost impossible for me to order something for takeout, whether it’s from a sit-down restaurant or just a drive-through, and have the order be 100% correct. It’s not like I’m creating custom orders every time either. I simply order directly off of the menu and, sure enough, something is always forgotten or incorrectly prepared.
Today for lunch, right before posting this, I went through the drive-through at Arby’s and ordered a chicken bacon & swiss combo (sandwich + fries + drink), a regular roast beef sandwich, potato cakes, and a small order of southwest egg rolls. After paying, I received no potato cakes and no dipping sauce for the egg rolls.
Not receiving all of the items I ordered is the easiest (and most common) problem to deal with, but it’s still obnoxious. Because of the recurring problem, I can never leave a restaurant (fast food or otherwise) without triple-checking every tiny detail of every food item to ensure that I won’t be annoyed when I get home to find that Longhorn Steakhouse has given me a sweet potato wrapped in aluminum foil instead of a regular baked russet/Idaho potato (yes, this happened recently).
It has gotten to the point where I almost have to eat the food at the restaurant to make sure that the steak is not overdone, the fries are not undercooked, or that there’s no mayonnaise on a sandwich when I specifically said “NO MAYO.” A typical takeout experience now involves getting the food, opening every styrofoam container, foil wrapping, or plastic lid and inspecting every item before leaving the restaurant.
And the one that really ticks me off the most is when fast food locations don’t have what’s on their menu! I can’t count the number of times I’ve ordered corn on the cob at Kentucky Fried Chicken, a baked potato at Wendy’s, or a milkshake at McDonald’s only to find that they “ran out of corn,” “the potatoes are still cooking,” or “the milkshake machine is broken.” Isn’t the point of fast food to have everything on the menu ready at all times? Why bother staying open late if you’re only going to have half of your food available?
So I ask… is all of this really necessary? Is it really that hard to prepare a takeout meal properly?
TweetNew Daily Posts
To ensure that I actually post to this blog at least once a day (except on Sundays), I’ve created a schedule of themed posts that I hope you’ll enjoy: Monday Media (also Monday Music and Monday Movie), Tuesday Tech, Wednesday Whine, Thursday Theme Park, Friday Flashback, and Weekend Web.
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